i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Two words: blizzard sex
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
