Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
