It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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