Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
