so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
