High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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