It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Im part way to drunk.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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