Banned from zoo.
Again?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
