I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
