remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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