I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
