i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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