Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
