Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
