so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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