Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
