Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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