We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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