3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
