is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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