i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
