when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
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