Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize