I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
