Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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