Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
