I wanna bring you to show and tell
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
