oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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