Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Four minutes until I can fart!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
