Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
