so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
