holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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