C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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