my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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