i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
In other news, I just burned my penis
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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