I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Randomize
