I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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