talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
