the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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