Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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