any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize