And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
