Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
