i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize