Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
wanna go halves on a baby?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
