The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
They took my balls.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
