I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize