Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
