I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i've created a new STD.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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