dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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