btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Randomize
