My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize