Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
