I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
