he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
