So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
