She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
