Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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