what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
