I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Randomize
