Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
