Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
