im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
