Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
