I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Randomize
