There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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